The Austin Eagles beat the Canaries

I never thought it would happen again. We actually scored more goals than the other team; the Norwich canaries. We scored one. They scored none. We won. Tears were shed across continents from goalscorer Jason Puncheon to goal watcher Woody Wood. It was pure pleasure to leave the bar on a Saturday morning without wanting to punch someone. The tension was finally lifted and so were our chances of staying in the league. We are now ten points above relegation. There are six games left to play in the season. With three points for a win we would have to seriously screw up to go down. Surely even Palace couldn't do that?

Thanks to those who came down to pat my back.

Watch the goal celebration here. A perfectly acceptable man humping if you ask me.

https://amp.twimg.com/v/7780727c-265a-4679-a958-c11501c914ba

The goal inspired such feelings of enlightenment it has been likened to this

The games are now coming thick and fast as the season draws to a close. This Wednesday we play Everton. I will be at Fado again this time at 2pm for that one, work permitting. We then play Arsenal on Sunday at 10am. Come down to either if you can.

Is this the end for the Austin Eagles?

You may have noticed that my posts have become slightly less prolific over the last few weeks. This is partly down to being away on vacation crammed into a small moving house with the three females in my family. But in all honesty it's mainly because Crystal Palace suck. Each week I start to write then find myself unintentionally scrapping my blood filled inner wrist wildly across the pathetically blunt edge of my iPad. Sadly all is in vein. My inability to see this through equates rather conveniently to the Eagles incapacity to win a game.  We are the only professional team in the whole of Europe to fail to win a game in 2016. We have gone from fifth of twenty in the league to 16th, perilously close to the bottom three relegation positions. I can imagine asexual Roman eunuchs covered with ginger body hair bearing more firepower than us right now.

This Saturday's game sees us battle with the team in 17th and is being touted as the relegation decider. If we lose this there is a good chance that we will go down a division, lose millions in TV money, never again appear on American TV because they only care about the top tier. And of course officially become crap.

You may be thinking that come 9am Saturday I will be cowering in a dusty tent miles from anyone who may be able to mock me for my Eagle love. But no. I shall be covered in red and blue. Shouting loudly. Pushing aside my foes. And cheering as we finally score more goals than the other team. 

Come on you Eagles

On a lighter note, family Wood just returned from the cold and rainy shores of England and my kiddos got to visit the hallowed turf of our heroes back in South London. I had pictured this moment since the birth of Wilma. I would hold aloft my magic child and say "by the power of Selhurst Park, I have the power". Both children would be overwhelmed by emotion and love for the Eagles and immediately pledge their undying commitment to the club. They would learn every player's name and eventually help me write my blog in tough times by stroking my back and telling me they love me and Palace. Sadly, Wilma cowered behind my back during every photograph and Frida tripped scrapping her knee causing her to scream for the remainder of our visit to the ground. Please witness my joy below.

Come down to Fado Saturday at 9am to cheer and jump around or at the very least stroke my back and tell me you love me when we lose.

Wilma thankfully cooperated after a few mild death threats from myself.

Austin Eagles top bird wrong again

I feel I need to stop predicting results. If you had the unfortunate task of reading the entirely depressing, slit-your-wrists, hari-kari blog post suggesting a complete pasting for our boys in last weekend's game, you'll be in for a surprise. We only bloody won. Some stout defending along with the sound investment of a goal line force field kept the Cocks of Spurs from finding our net. And in return we slammed one into theirs to win 1-0.

We are now in the quarter finals of the FA cup, a prestigious knock out competition that occurs alongside the regular premier league season. This may not sound much to you young eaglets out there but for me, lifting this cup would fulfill a dream I have had since 1990. I was just a spotty teen when Crystal Palace last had there best shot at winning this. Heartbreakingly, we lost in the final to the now eternal enemy Manchester United. However, our semi final game is often quoted to be one of the most classic cup matches ever against giants Liverpool. If you are curious what happened just watch the highlights link below.  And see if you can guess who the man scoring the winning goal is. Right answers get a beer at the next game. I just watched this again and felt a little sick with excitement.

http://youtu.be/xaMa4MdYCao

And if you are not tired of watching old soccer clips then you have to watch this one. Back in the 90s, teams who made it to the final of the cup would release a song in the pop charts sung by the team. Weird huh. Ours was shockingly bad. Watch this.

http://youtu.be/VomkssQel8g

Not only are we now just three games from winning the cup but our next opponents are the worst team left in. We are favorites to win that one, which of course being a palace fan means to me that we will lose. That game is March 12th.

In the meantime, this weekend we go back to fighting and trying to score a goal in the league. We play another currently very pants team West Bromwich Albion. There is a lot of hope for this game as we have some of our best players back from injury. And did I say that the other team are shit? Well, they are really, really shit. They are the kind of shit that you find perfectly curled around itself sitting on top of your toilet seat after a very mad and drunken night in with your teenage buddies. True story that one.

Sadly for you Austin Eagles I shall be out of town in Houston so I won't be down at Fados for this one. However, I have located the Houston Eagles contingent and shall be meeting them at their local pub for the game. I shall literally be flying the Austin Eagles flag high and chanting till I am hoarse.

Come on you forking Eagles

Austin Eagles? What's the bloody point?

I have been rather sad about Crystal Palace. We have lost so many games in a row in the league now that I have lost count. I can't even bring myself to find out how many it is. As you can imagine, I have not been so excited to write my weekly Austin Eagles update. Each time I sit down to write I try to put on my game face. I try to write like the endless losses just don't matter. But who am I kidding? This is depressing. It was so bad that we went for possibly six games in a row without even scoring a goal. Trying to entice new fans to watch this rubbish is a Sisyphean task. I thought I would never say this but I would prefer to watch America's Top Model than sit through one more minute of Crystal Palace get hammered in the Premier League,

Thankfully, we don't have to. Tomorrow's game is in the FA cup, not the league and we love scoring and winning in that. So, game face: check. Excitement like a small boy with a big stick, check. Complete disregard for our current poor form, check. Let's go get em my fellow AEs.

Tomorrow morning, Sunday, 9am meet at Fados for Crystal Palace vs Spurs in the FA cup. Thankfully Spurs suck right now and couldn't score if they tried. Ahem. Seeya there folks.

It's bottom of the barrel for the Austin Eagles

We officially have the worst form in the league. We are down to the last 16 teams in the Cup but can't seem to win in the league. Our slight blip in form has turned into a large concern. If we lose the next three against weaker teams it will become panic stations. You may think I'm all down about this. Quite the opposite. This is exactly what I am used to as a Palace fan. When everyone starts writing us off, we bounce back. It was way too weird to be fifth in the league and winning. Very unlike Palace. Now it's time that you can feel like a true palace fan. Watch this 2 minute video which summarizes some glorious moments in our history.

https://amp.twimg.com/v/3c2daa98-5898-4140-b7d0-599f566a84c4

Join me tomorrow morning at 9am at Fado to watch us show everyone how we thrive when under the cosh.

The Austin Eagles and the four little goals

Our beloved Eagles were involved in a scintillating 4-0 victory with Manchester City on Saturday. To relive this , I have detailed each goal in its glory below.

Minute 22. A shot comes in from outside the box. The goalkeeper sees it too late. The ball slides  underneath his diving body and into the back of the net. The crowd goes wild as the opposition had been in charge up to that point. 1-0.

Minute 41. Can it be? Another shot from a similar distance again from far out. This time it's struck at head height. The big defender tries to head it away but instead just flicks at it giving a wicked deflection and sending the ball screaming into the top corner of the net. Once again, the goal was unjustified considering current possession statistics. 2-0

Minute 68. What a sublime team goal. Perfectly placed passes slice the defense apart with the attackers simply playing with the defence and bouncing the ball around the 18 yard box. After five pinpoint through balls the smiling strikers decide to stop the embarrassing play and slot the ball into the goal. 3-0

Minute 84. The ball is lost in the defensive half. Once again the attack stream forward with the team's top scorer thundering toward goal. It looks like he will get his hatrick today but selflessly he centers the ball to his teammate for him to calmly pass the ball into the net. 4-0

It was quite a hammering. Sadly, it was Crystal Palace who was hammered. Not City. Apologies if I led you astray there ;)

Come on you Eagles. Through thick and thin our resolve shall not falter. We brush off four goals and welcome the cocks of Tottenham to our ground this Saturday. Please join me once again at Fado at 9am to watch goals galore.

The Austin Eagles have their wings clipped

To this very day I cannot remember why I kneed him in the balls that hard. In all honesty, at the tender age of 16 it didn't usually take much to piss me off. Maybe he made a mom joke. Maybe he said my girlfriend was ugly. Or maybe he had insulated the Eagles. Well, whatever it was that led me to manhandle his manhood so cruelly that sunny summers day years ago I will never forget it. It wasn't the way he crumpled to the floor, or the blood curdling gurgle that came from his throat. It was that vomitous green color that flooded across his face that lives on in my mind. I genuinely believed that I would never again see skin stained with such a hue. Until last Saturday that is.

There I was, sitting at Fado with a faction of Austin Eagles nervously watching a pitiful performance of our beloved Crystal Palace. Their woeful opposition Aston Villa were asserting themselves, a feat no one thought they would ever do again. The ball had gone out for a corner to Villa. A weak cross floated into the middle of our goalies box. This was followed by a header aimed directly at our keeper with the same power mustered by my crippled gran; with her dodgy hip; and her arthritic neck; months after she died. I sat back sure that our international class goalie Wayne Hennessey would have absolutely no problem catching the ball. And he did just that. Then dropped it. Then bent down and nudged it backwards onto his foot. Then he kicked it back further still. As the ball rolled pathetically over the line for a goal the last thing I remember seeing was Hennessey bent forward, feet still planted in his original position but with his hands fondling desperately through his legs at a ball just inches away and out of reach. The ball didn't even make it to the back of the net. It was at this point that the eerie green glow I last witnessed as a schoolboy flushed across a face. Sadly, this time it was on mine. Feel free to relive this woeful moment in the photo montage below.

We lost that game 1-0 to a team who truly believed that winning a game was never again possible. I have always said that Palace like to make the impossible possible. This week we play Manchester City, a team who believe that hammering us into a bloody pulp is also possible. Please do join me at Fado at 9am tomorrow to witness this mauling.

With all that said, I would like to end this posting on a positive note. I have finally worked out how to change this URL to something actually relevant and registered this site with Google to try to get us on the first page of search results. Now if you type in "Crystal Palace Austin Texas" I bet you can guess what you're gonna find. Yep, some crappy Chinese buffet. The Austin Eagles are third. Or joint second as I like to think.

The Austin Eagles watch their flock drop like flies

It appears I was not a good boy last year. My list to Santa was almost entirely made up of requests for Crystal Palace glory over the three festive period games. After two draws and one loss where we scored a grand total of zero goals I realized that Santa sucks the bag.

One of the main issues leading to my frustration is that my expectations are now so high. It is difficult to remember that two years ago we would have dreamed to scrub the toilets at Chelsea let alone play them and expect to win. After Saturday's 3-0 hammering, I have been brought back down to Earth with a bang. Although I do have an out. Our three most influential attacking players were out through injury or suspension leaving us as impotent up front as a Roman eunuch with crabs. My soccer American Dream is far from crushed.

On the plus side we finished the calender year, now halfway through the season, with 31 points, twice as many as this time last year. We saw huge financial investment and a spirit stronger than cave aged absinthe. And for the Austin Eagles, we grow in numbers and stature each week. Once again, last Saturday I wandered into Fado for the game and was treated to the sight of a stranger clad in last year's Palace home shirt cheering for our boys. Needless to say, Jon is now a fully paid up member of the Austin Eagles at the bargain price of a titanium tough commitment to the cause.

Bring on 2016.

This weekend sees a break from the premier league. We do play on Satuday at 9am however in the FA Cup in our very tough first round tie against recently conquered but still skillful Southampton. This is not on at Fado but it is on Fox so if you just can't make it any further without some red and blue action and have cable then you can watch it.

Our next league game is against the very worst team in the league Aston Villa. We really should spank these guys. They are on one of the longest winless streaks in league history. I will be at Fado to watch it on Tuesday 12th at 1.45pm, sadly another school day. Please join me.

The Austin Eagles go American

Normally another win which took us level on points with the European cup qualifying fourth place team would be the highlight of this blog. However, something else went down this week which crystallizes Crystal Palace and the Austin Eagles into the higher echelons of English Premier League football. Two American billionaires, Josh Harris and
David Blitzer, have confirmed their massive initial investment of around $80m to the club and now join our current owner Steve Parish as equal partners. The pair already own the NBA's Philadelphia 76ers and the NHL's New Jersey Devils and they want to add Palace to their portfolio.

Over the past ten years or so, the uber rich have taken over the English Premier League's top teams with millions of dollars up for grabs from the crazy TV deals now offered. Chelsea, Man City and Liverpool to name but a few have all seen huge leaps forward from
this. And now it's time for our little club to follow suit. This money will mostly go toward the much needed improvements to our ground Selhurst Park. But what this really means to all you little Eaglets out there is that we can now finally shed the black clouds of bankruptcy that have constantly loomed over our heads. With billionaires like these guys owning Palace, as Yazz said, the only way is up. They will never let the club die. Current owner Parish being the savvy businessman and dedicated Palace fan that he is remains at the helm for day to day operations of the club with our American friends involving themselves on the big stuff.

The other good news stemming from this is that Palace will inevitably be trying to increase their American fan base. This will mean summer tours to these shores which we can attend and maybe even some recognition of all the hard work from you my Austin Eagles.

Thanks to all who came down for the game last weekend. We had a good showing which relegated our arch fan rivals Everton, who have long been trying to gain a foothold into Fado, to the soundless corner TV. A highlight from the day was when the barman lead the sad scouse ensemble to the lonely corner as they whinged about having been there
for four weeks in a row and how they demand recognition. Not on your nelly Toffeemen.

The splendid day was capped off when our token Korean winger Lee Chung-Yong blasted in the winning goal from 25 yards out with just two minutes of the game to play. The Austin Eagles along with token Korean Tottenham supporter Cindy Rho were the only Fado fans to cheer that day as the hoards of United fans glaring at the pub's main screen had to watch their team lose to bottom feeder Norwich. What a day it was.

The Christmas footy schedule is upon us so happily we have two games in just three days to watch now. We play Bournemouth on Saturday at 9am and Swansea at 9am on Monday. Please join me for both at Fado.

Happy holidays my feathered friends.

Where next for the Austin Eagles?

Frankly, I am a little nervous to think of what is next for us.

Last weekend we finally beat our arch nemeses Southampton, a team we have failed to conquer in our last 14 league meetings with them. We are now sixth in the league and pundits are calling us "the most exciting team in the Premier League". This win was crucial for the mental state of our players. If we can beat Southampton, we can beat anyone.

But any true Palace fan will still secretly fear the possible disaster lurking just around the corner. It was only a few years ago that our team were seconds from liquidation. And it was fans like you and me that rescued them from collapse. As a way to keep our feet grounded, I shall briefly recount this emotional story.

The team had hit a poor run of form during the 2009/10 season. Along with this, our self-made millionaire owner Simon Jordan was going broke. Money was flooding out of the club's coffers from unfortunate financial decisions and a plummeting attendance at games. Jordan was forced to put Crystal Palace FC into administration and hand over ownership to Lloyds Bank. A few potential buyers flirted with the idea of purchasing the club including P Diddy because he liked the name but they all eventually got cold feet. Time was running out to save the team. The final day approached and if a buyer wasn't found, a team with over a hundred years of history would have to be dissolved.

June 1st 2010. The day of reckoning. I remember waking up that morning unable to open my presents, for indeed it was my 34th birthday. All I could think about was the future of my team. I turned on the TV to find the news showing a sea of red and blue shirted chavs singing and stomping their way through the London streets demanding for someone to save them. They descended on the Lloyds Bank building and for the next four hours shouted up at the window of banking administrator Brendan Guilfoyle to sell to any buyer no matter the price. Media sources reported that the usually fiscally focused financier was so stunned by this outburst of emotion that he called the most interested party and offered them the club for whatever price they wanted. The CPFC2010 consortium made up of four wealthy and devout Palace fans bought the club and began a task that looked to many to be impossible.

League rules state that any team going into administration automatically gets ten points stripped from their season's tally. This caused us to plummet from our safe mid table position in the second division to the relegation zone. Even with our new owners, dropping into the third division would have been cataclysmic for the team. On the very last game of that season, we played Sheffield Wednesday (yes, that is the name of a team) and a loss would see us relegated to the division below. We were 2-1 up until three minutes from time when they equalized. That last three minutes were the longest of my life, not including of course the time I went to see a live American Football game. We hung on for dear life with our opponents being sent down to the depressing depths of third division football.

Five years on and look at us now.

This weekend's game sees us tackle in-form Stoke City. Myself and, as I am told, many other Austin Eagles will be at Fado once more at 9am Saturday 19th to see what will happen. However keep an eye on that corner. You never know what's lurking behind it.

Scousers must hate the Austin Eagles

Every sports fan knows that one team that you just can't beat. It's not that they are better than you. It's just something in your player's heads that stops them from relaxing and playing their best. The Austin Eagles have those teams for sure and in fact we play one of them tomorrow. However, ask any young scally chap from neighboring teams Liverpool or Everton then the mighty name of Crystal Palace would be first on their lips.

Last Monday saw the Toffeemen of Everton rain down assaults on our goal with little success. The destructive powers of Scott Dann slammed in a header for us and for a few minutes it looked like we were going to sneak a possibly undeserved victory. Sadly, they equalized. The game ended 1-1 with the spoils shared and another point taken for us from what many would consider a better team.

Many thanks to all who joined me to watch the game on a schoolday including three new comrades from a different Austin Eagles group who we recently discovered living right here in ole Austin would you believe. Our fans at Fado drastically outnumbered the opposition's 3-1. This is remarkable as Everton are well loved in this country with Tim Howard, the US national goalkeeper, playing for them.

Tomorrow we face Southampton. They are currently on a bad run but, as previously mentioned, are a team we just cannot beat. I believe this year may be different.

Please join me at Fado to watch the game.

The Austin Eagles destroy Newcastle

What a game it was. When we went one goal down after ten minutes my heart sank. Thankfully, the next 80 minutes saw us hammer five goals past them in one of the most one-sided games I have seen for a long time. We ruled every area of the pitch with three of four players playing out of their skin. This win pushed us into sixth place in the league, just one spot off qualification into Europe next year.

And not only that but the feature show made by NBC on Palace aired on Monday was watched by thousands of potential new Austin Eagles. If you watched it and had been considering looking for a team to support there is no way you would be looking anywhere else. This emotional Hollywood story started five years ago when the club were seconds from liquidation due to financial meltdown only to be rescued when a mob of Eagles swarmed the offices of the insurance company who had taken on our debt and demanded they sell to a group of moderately wealthy Palace fans for a cut price. Now, our club has achieved the unthinkable. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched the story so close to my heart unfold on American TV. If you didn't catch it, it is still available on the NBC sports app or, of course, recorded twice at my house.

We play again on Monday instead of Saturday this weekend against in-form Everton. A win here would push us into the illustrious top five. I will be at Fado to watch this starting at 2pm.

The Austin Eagles and NBC fame

I shall not dwell on the rather disappointing loss last weekend to one of the bottom feeding teams in the league. Instead we shall all look forward to tomorrow's battle with another of the relegation seekers Newcastle. This is manager Alan Pardew's former team under which he left amid a dark cloud. He will certainly want to hand them their black and white hats.

In other exciting news, NBC have jumped on the Austin Eagles bandwagon and have made an entire show on Crystal Palace Football Club. It will be shown on NBC on Sunday at 1PM and repeated Monday. It details the history of the club and highlights our team as an "inspirational" story of rags to riches since the formation of the Austin Eagles. I will be hosting a screening of the show this Monday evening at 8pm at my house. Please join me to watch the rise to fame of our beloved club.

In the meantime, I sadly will not be in Austin for the game tomorrow as I am in Orlando, FL, with family. I shall instead be wrapping Mickey Mouse in red and blue and adorning the top of the Disney Castle with an eagle.

The Austin Eagles are honored by CPFC

Try to remember the proudest day of your life. Maybe it was the birth of your child, or getting straight As in your degree course. It could even be that momentous day when you finally gave up smoking. Well, I admit that these are all of course magical moments which change your life forever. However, all of these pail into insignificance compared to the incident that occurred last Monday.

It was just another crisp English morning, not a hint in the air of the earth shattering events to follow. While sipping my tea, I sifted through the day's worthless and unsubscribable email spam ranging from the usual penile prosthetics, African gold investments and, more annoyingly, literary works of art written and shared by my friends which burnt holes in my retina to even see linger in my inbox. Halfway through deleting these pointless proses, my phone began to shake. A choir of angels began singing through the microphone and rays of heavenly sunlight burst out from the screen. It took just two seconds for me to realize that what I was witnessing was a genuine twenty first century miracle. Not one of those kindergarten wonders like turning water into wine or parting some old sea. This was an event that would never be equaled. More miraculous even than the raising of the dead. I rubbed my eyes to find I was still staring at an email image of our little Austin Eagles flag flying proudly at the Leicester game posted on the online site of no less than the world renowned newspaper The Croydon Advertiser. A photographer for this hugely influential publication local to Crystal Palace had snapped our flag hoisted high at the game. His editors had then managed to squeeze in this picture between the two prestigious international news events featuring the golden wedding anniversary or retirees Doris and John Trotter who run the village bingo hall and the unveiling of the remodeled butchers shop round the corner in the town of Little Widdlescome. It was at this moment I realized that all the hard work put in by you my Austin Eagles had not been in vain. This magical email was sent to me from Ryan Saulsbury, a lifelong Eagle who helps bring together like minded Crystal Palace fans throughout the continental United States and beyond. He saw our flag at the game, found our website and hunted us down through there. Since then I have been contacted by other Eagles fans in Austin eager to join forces. They even have their own Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/369193093230548/

We are no longer alone my friends. Our fame will grow and one day, we shall outnumber the glory supporters of Manchester and Liverpool at Fados.

And if that wasn't enough good news, yesterday we beat the aforementioned Liverpool 2-1 at their ground to take us up to a vertigo inducing eighth in the league. Sadly we have to wait two weeks for another game which will be at 2pm Monday 23rd November against strugglers Sunderland. I may be hosting this game at my house that night starting at 8pm but I will update you closer to the time. Feel free to peruse other images from my trip to the games on the images section of this site.

Let this day forever be known as the day the Austin Eagles broke into the big time.

The Austin Eagles and the Champions League

Never before have I felt so content from a Crystal Palace game than after our hammering of West Brom last weekend. Former Eagles manager Tony Pullis, who now manages our opponent, and his team were well and truly outplayed by the complete performance by each and every Palace player. Highlights from the match showed not a single attack from the other team with our boys peppering their goal with shots. It was magnificent.

We are now fourth in the league after eight games and the team's confidence is bursting from the seams. I am not sure what is happening in the dressing room or in the post game bath but I can feel the love flowing among the team from here across the pond. There is talk that this squad could be the best we have ever had, even better than the 1990 FA Cup final team.

People, if there was ever a time to board the Palace band wagon, then that time is now.

In celebration of such glory and to commemorate the obvious influence brought forth by the formation of the Austin Eagles I have adapted our beloved flag. As you can see, I took the club's flag to a screenprinter and added the word Austin. I will be hauling this flag to the UK with me in a few weeks time and hanging it from the stands at two games I have tickets for against Leicester City and Manchester United. Hopefully, your Eagle eyes will see the flag when you watch the games.

This weekend there is no game due to international matches being played. The action will return the following weekend against West Ham.

As many of you know, two of our most loyal Austin Eaglets, Dylan Moench and Cindy Rho, are getting married the day of that game and bizarrely the two other teams they also fervently support (with less love than the Eagles I am sure) play each other that morning. They are having an official wedding event at Fado Saturday October 17th starting at the rather godly hour of 6.30am to watch Cindy's Tottenham play Dylan's Liverpool. They will then head off, gussy up and prepare for vows filled with Eagle promises later in the day. Many of us are hoping that both soccer and wedding events end in a tie. One may be reliant on the other. The Eagles play after that early game at the regular time of 9am which we will also watch.

What a beautiful day it could be.

The Austin Eagles manhunt

It had to happen. With the meteoric rise to fame of Crystal Palace FC, the Austin Eagles are in high demand. The old days where any new Eaglets were merely sympathy fans are over. Our current membership approval of "are you breathing" will soon be updated to include nominations and background checks. We can't let just any old plebeian become an Austin Eagle. I had been considering this move for a few weeks now since meeting three new members who, rather disconcertingly, I had never actually met before. But this change was pushed forward after I received the image above. Our resident med-eagle birdbrain Dr Ryan Allen snapped this picture as he was driving around down town Austin. What makes this image more startling than a photo of the Yeti and Nessie topless on the beach is that we don't actually know this person. Who is it? How did they get a legit Crystal Palace FC car badge? And lastly, how do I find out who this is? I encourage anyone among you with mad hacking skills to break into the Texas car license database and send me the owner's address. We can't allow a rival fan club to sprout up. Assimilate or die will be our new motto.

On a lighter note, I have had some requests of late from members wanting actual Crystal Palace red and blue jerseys. I am heading to the UK during the last week in October and shall be visiting our legendary ground Selhurst Park to watch our boys take on the evil Red Devils of Manchester United. While at this battle royale I shall inevitably be handing a good portion of my yearly earnings to the nice folk at the club shop in exchange for a treasure trove of CPFC goodies. If you want a shirt, please check the club's website, visit the online store and let me know what size you think you want. Note, shirts are probably around $80 so make sure you get it right as there will be no returns. Or you can order them straight from www.soccer.com for $100. Money up front would be beneficial.

And lastly, the team news you have all been waiting for. After beating Watford last Sunday we are now soaring at 7th in the league. This Saturday we play West Bromwich Albion. Their current manager is Tony Pullis who rescued us from disaster two seasons ago but then quit three days before the start of the following season. This caused mayhem around South London as it knocked us from our safe perch and sent us into soccer free fall until our hero and incumbent manager Alan Pardew swept us under his experienced and might I say devilishly handsome wing. We have mixed emotions for Tony but I believe this game will be brutal as the destruction he caused will rise to the top for all Palace faithful. Not to mention the fact that he is with another club now and therefore death to them all.

The game this Saturday is unfortunately at 6.45am so we shall not be meeting at Fado. I will be hosting the game at 10am Saturday at my house at 2704 Stacy Lane, 78704. Hope to see you all there.

The Austin Eagles smile on

I had a revelation today. After losing 1-0 twice in a row first to Manchester City and then to Tottenham I was pretty disappointed. I expected more from my team. Surely we should have got at least a point from those two games. I was upset that we had lost our position in the top four. That was until I listened to the latest podcast from fans of Crystal Palace featuring current palace legend Damian Delaney. When he was asked if we could finish the season in the top four he laughed and asked if they were smoking crack. Crystal Palace have humble beginnings and we are not far from that now. The £8m we spent on our star signing this year is a week's wages to some other teams. To imagine that we could possibly compete with that is ludicrous. I must embrace these facts and enjoy every last minute of this crazy resurgence as it could end at any moment. Therefore, from now on I have pledged to stay positive and proud whatever the weather, whether it rains or shines on our Eagles. If you need a similar boost, feel free to listen to the podcast. Please note, you may need a northern Irish translator to comprehend the star center back and his mutterings.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/fyp-official-podcast/id373306875?mt=2&i=352902955

Thankfully, Palace rebounded strongly by beating our old and fierce rivals Charlton 4-1 in the cup midweek. A beautiful site to see.

This week we play again on Sunday. Thankfully game time is 10am. I will be at Fado once more with my smiling face, cheering no matter what transpires.

The Austin Eagles are growing

We lost 1-0 on Saturday. We lost to the best team in England but yet matched their skill. We lost to a frustrating last minute tap in goal by an unknown teenager that Man City probably forgot they even had. And we lost our position in the glamorous top four. So why is it that I am not sad. Because the Austin Eagles are not alone in the Universe. As the game kicked off I had to rub my eyes as the group of lads next to us started cheering for Palace. I let out a slight shart when he told me he shared my love of Eagles. Was this actually another real life Palace fan and not a friend of mine taking pity on my sad soccer love affair? I quickly launched myself at him with arms wide open and a funny tingling sensation down below. But hold on. What is that I see entering the pub. Surely that's not a scarf of red and blue. As I bellowed "Palace" at this new entrant, his piercing prey bird eyes turned toward me and locked on. He strutted forcefully toward me as I eased my awkwardly long embrace. Arms width apart, the three of us stood facing each other, unable to fathom what was happening. The electricity fizzed between us and for the very first time in my life I began to question whether Penelope Cruz and Jenna Jameson really would be my perfect threesome partners.

When my heart rate finally returned to normal I quietly sat back on my stool and glanced around me. Here I was, surrounded by my converted Eagle friends together with strangers who shared our passion. I hardly even registered when that last minute goal slammed into the back of our net as I was living my Austin Eagles dream. Unless of course you count me jumping in the air, slamming my fist on the table and shouting "you f'ing Manc twats" at the TV. I don't.

This weekend we play the amusingly named team Tottenham Hotspur and their equally giggle worthy mascot the Gamecock. The game is on Sunday at 7.30am. Boo. But as many of you may know by now, our beloved Palace convert Cindy Rho is actually an avid gamecock and will be hosting the game at her and Dylan's home at 11am on Sunday while secretly cheering for both sides. Please come over if you can.

1402 Parker Lane #3, 78741. If you get lost, call me at 5127843286. 

The Austin Eagles beat Chelsea

You have all heard of Chelsea football club right? Owned by a Russian billionaire. Spends way too much money on players. Biggest asshole manager. And of course, the champions of last year's Premier League season. Well, l'il old Crystal Palace just beat 'em, at their home ground, on manager Jose Mourinho's 100th game at home in charge where he had won 98 of them. And we played them off the field. We are now second in the league and everyone is talking about whether we can end up among the top four elite teams come the end of the season. This is some crazy shit people.

We have no game this weekend as there are international games but we will be back the following Saturday. And who are we playing, I hear you hark. Only Manchester City. The team currently top of the league who have won all games and not conceded a goal. This will be a top two team clash where we could end atop of the Premier League table.

If you haven't currently experienced the joy of watching our boys then you need to come down. The Austin Eagles are growing and I would hate for you to be left out.

And in the meantime, for those of you who already bleed red and blue blood, I have a challenge for you. Crystal Palace FC are well known for having a staggering number of players clad with varying styles of facial hair. Below is a link to a test to name 15 men behind the beards. Anyone who completes this task with over 50% correct shall be bought a beer at Fado in two weeks time. I got 11 fyi. It's not easy.

http://www.holmesdale.net/page.php?id=82&story=6418&archive=1&page=1

There is one sad piece of news though. Striker and CPFC mainstay Glenn 'uncle' Murray has left the Eagles nest. He was a huge part of our promotion team two years ago and has scored so many important goals. But the main reason for our tears is because he was so unimposing and looked more like an old man who we dragged off the stands during a particularly terrible game hoping he could do better than the current muppets. Austin Legal Eagle Jose Valera framed it perfectly when he said "with uncle Murray gone who is going to get too drunk at Christmas and knock over the tree, or make racist comments and then say "I'm just saying...." or pinch aunt Louise's rear when she bends over to pull the thanksgiving turkey from the oven, or make defenders feel as if there is no reason to defend the goal because a drunk 48 year old fan just ran onto the pitch."

Beautifully put Jose.

The Austin Eagles bird/blonde revelation

Comrades

I believe we can officially call ourselves a team who are fearless of relegation. We are now three games into the season and have won two of them. In all my years as a South London Eagle I have never seen so much confidence in the future of our team. It has got to the point now where the typical English trait of pessimism and accepting defeat before the game even starts has been replaced with positivity and an uncharacteristic streak of mirth. Why, just the other day I was browsing the main Crystal Palace fan site ("WHAT?", I hear you say "are we not currently reading the main fan site") and I found the following article which I would like to share with you.

It is a stunning representation of one of our delightful cheerleaders The Crystals who has finally revealed her innermost and darkest secret. Before she became the buxom beauty that she now is, she was just one half of a conjoined fetal pairing between herself and a really mad eagle. From a very young age, The Crystals' talent scouts singled her out as a future star but sadly her rise to fame was to be a rocky one. Even though she was a perfect ten and her twin was the club's mascot, at every photo shoot, they just couldn't erase the downright "creepy" vibe on each and every image. On the day of their eighteenth birthday, the duo were told that if they wanted to follow their dreams of becoming one of the only cheerleaders in English soccer, doctors would have to operate. At first, they were shocked. "No way" they squawked in unison. But as every day passed without a Pom Pom in sight, depression set in, starting to peck away at their souls. They knew what they had to do.

The operation was a success. After a long and painful recovery, the blonde bombshell was finally able to begin her life, starring almost naked for a full five minutes entertaining 20,000 drunkards by doing star jumps. She was in heaven. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for her twin. Her birder half wasn't as smart as it's sister was and didn't realize that she would not actually have a body, legs or even wings after the surgery. As the avian head lay in recovery it knew it had been given the raw deal. It plunged into a spiral of sadness and sadly within just days of getting home from the hospital it was found lying dead on the floor underneath a noose hanging from the rafters. It had tried to hang itself but as it was only a head, it had fallen through the rope and landed heavily on the floor causing massive brain damage. Her last words to her sister as she pluma-ted beak first into the wooden floor were "I always knew you were an Arse-nal".

This week we play last year's champions Chelsea. They are in a bit of a funk right now but are still deadly. I will sadly not be at Fado tomorrow as I am out of town but I will be cheering along with all you Baby Eagles out there for our brave boys and their bosomed beauties.

Onwards and upwards.