Once upon a time there was a passionate King who ruled over a red-and-blue streaked land from up high in a fragile yet formidable Crystal Palace. King Woody was generally a happy and caring ruler who entertained his subjects daily with his peculiar yet somehow intelligent-sounding speech. He was not native to this land he oversaw, born far away in a cold and rainy place before now marrying into Orlandean royalty. He genuinely loved his new home, procreating two tornado like heirs for stability in his kingdom Austintian. But sadly, he had a pain in his heart. Even though King Woody was literally surrounded by loved ones in and around his impressive abode, he felt lonely and longed for a bite of his homeland. Yes, he sorely missed his family, friends and bizarrely flavorless foods from childhood. But the thing that stabbed deepest into this King's heart was a forlorn love for his national sport. His adopted new people were infatuated with an odd pastime where men dressed like knights heading to battle endlessly clattered into each other chasing an egg shaped ball while stopping every minute for breaks. He wished he could convince them to focus their attentions on the beautiful game of soccer, or football as he adventurously named it. Not wanting to be a tyrant and ban throwball, each weekend he allowed his champions to suit up and bundle upon one another in a very manly looking male orgy.
That was until that glorious warm afternoon when King Woody took his bold step. During a speech, he announced the formation of the Austintian Eagles finally proclaiming his adoration of the beloved sport of his homeland. Offering cotton created treasures from his healthy coffers to anyone who joined his quest, he was initially tickled by a small contingent from his people who followed him. As the core group grew, so did the confidence and talent of the team. A staggering run of wins resulted in a manic fervor gripping Austintian. However, as match results began to go against the Eagles, he found his subject's interest waning. Even his chief stoner mason Macey whom he brought with him from Englandium stopped coming to games, hammering another nail into the royal coffin. The final flaw occurred during the last match as only his three most loyal subjects attended; legal counsel cum court jester Jose Valeria, Germanium goth warrior Dylan Moenchenhuaser and token Asian ninja Cindy "death" Roantiam.
King Woody was desperate. What he needed was someone just like him. Someone who loved the sport from deep down inside. As the Mancunian foe who currently fought his Eagles scored what would be the winning goal, he slumped further into his seat, sipping pathetically at his golden ale wondering where inspiration would come from. As always, it's when you hit rock bottom that the light appears. Backlit from the early sun's rays through yonder Fado windows came a stranger unbeknownst to the King. Jackson Massey boldly approached the beleaguered monarch commenting intelligently on the Austintian Eagles. After a few minutes of statistical chit chat, King Woody asked with a slight quiver to his voice which team Jackson supported. As the words "Crystal Palace Austintian Eagles" tumbled from the stranger's mouth the King desperately clutched for stability. Ever since his move to Austintian, he had hardly met anyone who had even heard of his team, let alone another fan. In fact, upon mentioning the team's name, many of his new subjects giggled like schoolgirls chanting cruel songs like "golden showers" at him. But now, here, on this sorrowful morning of defeat, a brighter future beckons. With the addition of this new and unbribed support, the last two games must go the way of the Eagles.
This weekend, the game starts at 11.30 but as King Woody has sole charge of his two tornado offspring, he will be hosting the game at his second home of Club Stacy Lane at 12.45pm. Sadly, Jackson Massey will be in Houstown this weekend so please don't get too excited. However, he will be at the last game of the season the following Sunday at Fado at which King Woody will be paying for ale for all.
Until then my friends
KW