I regret to inform you, my beaked buddies, that last week's prayers for a win went holy unheard. After another painful 2-0 defeat by a struggling team, it is hard to ignore the fact that the our savior must have forsaken us. Surely if He had realized the pain and suffering we would feel to finish anything less than joint 9th this season, He would have boarded the next cloud from Tibet and focused his healing powers on South London instead. It is incomprehensible how He could ignore the ringing in his head of so many pleading voices from you, my Austin Eagles. I know that each and every one of you must have spent hours kneeling by your bedside, tears streaming down your faces at the thought of losing even just one more game. Your deafening pleas surely should have had an effect. It was mystifying.
So, after all this confusion, it gives me great pleasure today to reveal to you, my Palace Peeps, the reason for this stunning shunning. Our prayers went to God spam. It appears that any mental mention of American immigration policy gets immediately disregarded and thrown post haste into that great big spam basket in the sky (together with anything from Utah and self help messages on erectile disfunction; they don't call him the Big Man for nothing). Sadly my email last week was one such victim. It appears that even Jesus himself is not immune to the big brotherly arm of the U.S. immigration Services. During one of his fact finding Earth bound forays he found himself spending a night in the slammer accused of entering the United States as an illegal alien. Maybe someone should have told him that fashion has changed somewhat in 2000 years and the full body sheet look wasn't really hip anymore.
After petitioning the Almighty, the spam ban has now been lifted and I plead to you, Mighty One, to send your oh so sweet baby son down once more this Sunday to raise his prolific talons donned in red and blue against table toppers Chelsea to fight for what is right in this world. Just one word of advice I give to you Jesus; you are not the first second coming. Your eternal enemy below beat you to it and sent back his corruptive Snake. Only this time you will know him by the name John Terry.
The game against Chelsea this weekend is on Sunday at the ungodly hour of 7.30am. A bad start to our heavenly help. I will be recording the game and watching it at 12.45pm at my house on Sunday. Feel free to come over.
Until then my friends
Woody