Comrades
I believe we can officially call ourselves a team who are fearless of relegation. We are now three games into the season and have won two of them. In all my years as a South London Eagle I have never seen so much confidence in the future of our team. It has got to the point now where the typical English trait of pessimism and accepting defeat before the game even starts has been replaced with positivity and an uncharacteristic streak of mirth. Why, just the other day I was browsing the main Crystal Palace fan site ("WHAT?", I hear you say "are we not currently reading the main fan site") and I found the following article which I would like to share with you.
It is a stunning representation of one of our delightful cheerleaders The Crystals who has finally revealed her innermost and darkest secret. Before she became the buxom beauty that she now is, she was just one half of a conjoined fetal pairing between herself and a really mad eagle. From a very young age, The Crystals' talent scouts singled her out as a future star but sadly her rise to fame was to be a rocky one. Even though she was a perfect ten and her twin was the club's mascot, at every photo shoot, they just couldn't erase the downright "creepy" vibe on each and every image. On the day of their eighteenth birthday, the duo were told that if they wanted to follow their dreams of becoming one of the only cheerleaders in English soccer, doctors would have to operate. At first, they were shocked. "No way" they squawked in unison. But as every day passed without a Pom Pom in sight, depression set in, starting to peck away at their souls. They knew what they had to do.
The operation was a success. After a long and painful recovery, the blonde bombshell was finally able to begin her life, starring almost naked for a full five minutes entertaining 20,000 drunkards by doing star jumps. She was in heaven. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for her twin. Her birder half wasn't as smart as it's sister was and didn't realize that she would not actually have a body, legs or even wings after the surgery. As the avian head lay in recovery it knew it had been given the raw deal. It plunged into a spiral of sadness and sadly within just days of getting home from the hospital it was found lying dead on the floor underneath a noose hanging from the rafters. It had tried to hang itself but as it was only a head, it had fallen through the rope and landed heavily on the floor causing massive brain damage. Her last words to her sister as she pluma-ted beak first into the wooden floor were "I always knew you were an Arse-nal".
This week we play last year's champions Chelsea. They are in a bit of a funk right now but are still deadly. I will sadly not be at Fado tomorrow as I am out of town but I will be cheering along with all you Baby Eagles out there for our brave boys and their bosomed beauties.
Onwards and upwards.
