To this very day I cannot remember why I kneed him in the balls that hard. In all honesty, at the tender age of 16 it didn't usually take much to piss me off. Maybe he made a mom joke. Maybe he said my girlfriend was ugly. Or maybe he had insulated the Eagles. Well, whatever it was that led me to manhandle his manhood so cruelly that sunny summers day years ago I will never forget it. It wasn't the way he crumpled to the floor, or the blood curdling gurgle that came from his throat. It was that vomitous green color that flooded across his face that lives on in my mind. I genuinely believed that I would never again see skin stained with such a hue. Until last Saturday that is.
There I was, sitting at Fado with a faction of Austin Eagles nervously watching a pitiful performance of our beloved Crystal Palace. Their woeful opposition Aston Villa were asserting themselves, a feat no one thought they would ever do again. The ball had gone out for a corner to Villa. A weak cross floated into the middle of our goalies box. This was followed by a header aimed directly at our keeper with the same power mustered by my crippled gran; with her dodgy hip; and her arthritic neck; months after she died. I sat back sure that our international class goalie Wayne Hennessey would have absolutely no problem catching the ball. And he did just that. Then dropped it. Then bent down and nudged it backwards onto his foot. Then he kicked it back further still. As the ball rolled pathetically over the line for a goal the last thing I remember seeing was Hennessey bent forward, feet still planted in his original position but with his hands fondling desperately through his legs at a ball just inches away and out of reach. The ball didn't even make it to the back of the net. It was at this point that the eerie green glow I last witnessed as a schoolboy flushed across a face. Sadly, this time it was on mine. Feel free to relive this woeful moment in the photo montage below.
We lost that game 1-0 to a team who truly believed that winning a game was never again possible. I have always said that Palace like to make the impossible possible. This week we play Manchester City, a team who believe that hammering us into a bloody pulp is also possible. Please do join me at Fado at 9am tomorrow to witness this mauling.
With all that said, I would like to end this posting on a positive note. I have finally worked out how to change this URL to something actually relevant and registered this site with Google to try to get us on the first page of search results. Now if you type in "Crystal Palace Austin Texas" I bet you can guess what you're gonna find. Yep, some crappy Chinese buffet. The Austin Eagles are third. Or joint second as I like to think.