Just six months ago the world was my oyster. I put my hand on my heart and pledged my allegiance to the Stars and Stripes becoming a bonafide A-merican citizen. Thankfully the US government do not require you to hand in your old passport so even though they don't recognize dual citizenship, effectively I got to keep both. With these two passports I had access to gems on both sides of the pond, including at that time Europe. When I applied for my new passport I even had the choice to change my name. I felt like James Bond. I could enter a country as one man and leave as another. I wondered what else was possible. My mind raced thinking of what would matter most. And of course, my thoughts settled on the Austin Eagles. I could be an ambassador linking my love of Palace with the good people of America. And then all hell broke loose. Fear mongering led both my countries to close their borders.
Brexit cut my worldly access by a third. Living and working in continental Europe would no longer be possible. It put a halt to my family's fantastical dream of one day moving to Spain and living high in the Sierra Nevada mountains maybe running a goat farm, drinking clear spring water straight from the ground. Then, of course, Trump happened. Who knows what he will bring. Maybe the Mexican wall won't be enough. What if he keeps going and builds a blockade around the US and bans anyone from entering at all? If his ludicrous plan for massive import tariffs is anything to go by then that may just happen.
No longer do I feel like a double agent. I have been stripped of my rocket firing Aston Martin and been forced to turn in my laser watch. I am a big fat 00zero. There is only one thing to do now. The Austin Eagles are going underground.
From now on we shall hide in the shadows of Fado's darkest corner plotting our revolution. We shall lurk in complete silence until the unlikely day that we win a game again. And once that day comes, when our numbers reach the dizzy heights of double figures, we shall spring from the beer stained depths and wreck havoc on the xenophobic powers that be. ARE YOU WITH ME? HURRAH.
ps I never liked oysters anyway.