The time has come to move on. Austin has treated the eagles well. But sadly, as we progress, it can't give us what we need. It has nature, sunshine, good food and fun folk. But what it lacks is more important than any of those. I am shackled by the politics. I need to break free and fulfill a dream I have had for, well, it must be nigh on five whole desperate days now. I have a yearning deep down inside and I can't ignore it. I need to move our Austin Eagles to Salt Lake City. There, I will be free. Free to be the man I want to be. And that man is a man married to Scott Dann, the Crystal Palace captain and scorer of the last minute goal on Saturday which gave us our very first point in this rather sad season.
Of course, as you may be thinking, this is possible here in ole gay Austin. However, I still quite like Heather so polygamy is the answer. I have shown pictures of my man Scott to Heather and she approves. She has always said she would like someone in the relationship to score more often.
I shall of course be coming back to Austin for each and every game to meet my old franchise chums. Good luck.