Our plan worked perfectly. Break every record ever set by failing to score or get a point for a ridiculous eight games in a row. Draw worldwide media attention to how unbelievably shit we are. Make everyone wonder which team will be bad enough to finally let us score a goal. And then beat champions Chelsea 2-1 and make them look even worse than us. I can handle being the second worst team ever as long as Chelsea are the worst.
Saturday morning was glorious. There I was. Sitting at the back of my plumbing continuing education class. Paying zero attention to the drivel coming out of the teacher’s mouth. iPad showing the game on the table. Ear bud in my non visible ear. Trying desperately not to shout out loud as Palace scored their very first goal of the season. I just knew that the first goal would have to be a 40 belter into the top corner. And when the ball trickled into the goal after ricocheting off three player’s knees I remembered this was Palace I was supporting. But I didn’t care. We had scored. As thousands of Palace fans around the globe gasped a massive sigh of relief I heard the commentator aptly announce “Hold the back page, Crystal Palace have scored a goal.” Oh Palace. Of course we let Chelsea get a goal back ten minutes later but that was just so we could score another goal to really rub it in.
Now we just have to remember stage two of our plan. Keep scoring and winning games. For all our impotence, we are now only one point behind Bournemouth and five points from safety.
After the game I spent about two hours looking at various related posts and tweets to savor the win. My most enjoyable findings were from Chelsea fans pre and post game. I would like to share these with you. If you were not previously aware of the retardation level of Chelsea fans then this may help. I would give them a 9 out of 10. This is only because of Man U fans being a 10 and they are beyond compare (of course my buddy Gez is exempted from this - kinda). Feel free to reply to this blog with your calculated retard score.
Enjoy.
https://mobile.twitter.com/SpursInTheBlood/status/919300191236259840
And this from the official Chelsea twitter account https://mobile.twitter.com/ChelseaFC/status/919146089709801472/video/1
Oh and here are the extended highlights if you wanna enjoy it again.
http://footyroom.com/matches/79940578/crystal-palace-vs-chelsea/review